random, Random opinions, The life

Relationship Closure

I was thinking about this concept of closure in a relationship that has ended. And why we want it. It seems we want it to confirm or validate our decision. Or worse, because we need to know the Truth or Why. And man, I tend to be the sort that wants the truth and the why. It just isn’t realistic.

But in a toxic relationship that involved a lot of lying, where they never respected you in the relationship, and basically would be with anyone they felt like while at the same time holding on to you for whatever reason they had for that… are you ever going to get satisfactory closure? Yeah, no. They will do what they know how to do. They will try to lie and they will try to manipulate. It is their go-to in dealing with things that make them uncomfortable because they can’t be accountable for their actions. But they may throw just enough truth in there to trick you for a moment but you know it will be whatever story that makes they come out in the best light.

In such a situation, you will never know the entire truth. You will know what you know. And frankly, what you know is a lot more of the truth than you will ever get from them. And then you will get some fabricated story they toss out. There is no way you are going to get the truth. And really no way you will ever find out the why. Often the why is- ‘because I could’ or ‘because I wanted to’. And even if they regret their choices that regret does not come from love for you but rather their failure to be able to emotionally connect with another person so they just want your emotions, which were the only truthful thing about your connection.

You truly felt the way you did. That you know. On their side, does it even matter? You know you put all the effort and love you could and that should be enough for you to know. Because they never put 100% into the connection. And they withheld emotional vulnerability and whatever else made them feel like they needed to pull away and then back again, and then away- that was all they were capable of- the exact bare minimum to keep you. Nothing more than that.

In cases like this, Closure came the moment you came to the realization of who they really are behind that fabricated image they project. The moment you realize they are not capable of a functional relationship. The moment you realize your needs will never be fulfilled by such a person. The moment you realize you will just suffer more. Your closure came when you Left that connection that didn’t serve you in any way. They offered nothing. Every value you have, they lack. They can’t offer emotional vulnerability, affection and intimacy, faithfulness, loyalty, respect or honesty. And if you value those in a connection and never get them and never will, then your closure is accepting that and removing yourself from that situation.

Trust me when I say, closure is when you knew what you knew and had the strength and the courage to get the hell out and slam that door behind you. Because you have learned that you never deserved that. That you are worthy and enough and will will be enough for someone else in a healthy, stable relationship. And it is a good feeling to know you made that choice and will never look back. You are strong as all hell, my friend. And that is all the closure you will ever need.

The very best thing you can do as you move on with your new beginning is to never contact that person again. Block them. No texting. Nothing. Unfortunately, in my case I do have to text occasionally while we deal with ongoing issues with assets that is taking far too long to resolve. And I can’t wait for that to be done so I can completely cut that person out of my life and out of my energy. The purge. The door slam. Done. Can’t wait for that. But if you have no ongoing separation issues to deal with- shut that down.

2 thoughts on “Relationship Closure”

  1. The ongoing issues may take longer than expected because it may be a way to hold on to something that he knows he should not have lost. A kind of guilty I didn’t really mean it kind of thing. Nevertheless the behavior is what it is. Pushing for a quick end is all you can do. I have wondered how financially it could be resolved, given that he is not wealthy by any means. Does his ability to refinance hinge on David and Ciara remaining as renters? If so does that cause any problems for you and Dave? I tend to worry about such things, and one of my friends suggested that you and I should sit together and just talk about it. I am perfectly happy to do that and help in any way that I can. Perhaps you and I could go and have dinner as I promised you before all this happened. We don’t have to talk about this situation at all but just talk. I have a lot of experience in this area lol. Obviously didn’t learn anything from them mind you 🙄 at least I can relate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it would be nice to see you. There is a local dinner by my place we could go to, as it is within walking distance for me.

      As for the house, he is refinancing with Dave because he can’t alone. So yeah that complicates things with me and Dave. But that was Dave’s choice. Mostly my equity will pay off my half of the debt with a bit extra that I will likely put to a used car. I sold my car because medically I wasn’t driving and I needed money for the move. But once prices stabilize, and if it is feasible with my lower budget, I will get another one to use for just errands and such. Because two of those health issues went away of their own accord. I just have the vestibular issues to complicate driving, but short distances when I am having a good day would be fine.

      Liked by 1 person

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