random, The life

Dating and Dating Apps

So I have dived into the dating world via dating apps. It is difficult for me given the horror of how my last relationship ended. But I seriously do not want to give that situation or person any more of my time or energy.

It is also difficult because I read people really well in person and not so well in a generic text. So I don’t particularly like this text thing. When I am actually in a relationship I am all cool with texting. Especially rather than phoning. But when I do not know them and have yet to meet them, I have no idea what their real vibe is. Also I get really absorbed into the things I am doing and neglect to answer those texts. Especially when there is more than one man interested in chatting. That is a lot of energy to focus on. So I tend to procrastinate until the evening when I can give my full attention to them. Obviously, most of them will not even want to have an actual date or I won’t. So a lot of them are just sort of testing the waters and seeing what you see.

I am trying two apps but one is getting really neglected at the moment. But there are so many personal messages stacking up on that one- sort of makes me hesitate to look at them. The one I seem to gravitate to is Bumble. It is up to the woman to make the first move on a match which is a bit difficult but it also prevents all those guys that feel entirely at ease with random texts and messages that are not cool at all and I really do not welcome in the least bit.

I am pretty chill about all this right now. It is all new to me. And I dig being by myself so it isn’t a strong drive to jump into a new relationship, unless it really fits and I really want to.

There was this one dating platform where I got to gauge the age group that are interesting in connecting. And that age group is 23-65. So… that was weird. It may suggest some men hit like on a whole lot of different women. My actual desirable age group is 40-52 ish. I don’t particularly want to date anyone younger than that, unless they are on the cusp of 40. Feels weird to me otherwise. I like my age and I rather hope there are men out there my age where we are mutually attracted to each other, interested in knowing each other, and they share some of the same values. I think I’m going to put way more emphasis on sharing the same values than I used to. Because otherwise things get crappy fast.

I mean, when someone has completely different core values that is when you get someone who doesn’t value honesty, authenticity, loyalty, mutual respect or anything fundamental in a good connection. So I do want a man who actually has an EQ… maybe not equal to my own but not so low they have no comprehension of their own emotional reality let alone someone outside of themselves. And if you want to have a serious conversation they are able to do so and not run the other way in a mad panic to avoid being emotionally available or vulnerable in the least bit. That gets tiresome real fast.

I hope most men my age, like me, have learned what they want and what they don’t want. And have learned from their own mistakes over time, which I definitely have.


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