INFJ, the quest

The single Vibe

Like I said in my previous post I was monogamous in my last very, very long-term relationship. And while it ended horrifically it wasn’t horrible throughout. I am a monogamous person. I am a one man woman. It is just how my brain works. So I don’t cheat because I don’t Look. I am focused on how to improve my relationship. How to improve intimacy or communication. And what I can do better. And how to make them feel better. And how to be better as a couple. Hard to do when it is only one person doing that but it is what it is.

So I never noticed men looking at me. And I never noticed opportunities to cheat. I had them, of course. I have been propositioned more than a few times over the years but I never did anything.

The single Vibe

There is a switch that flicks on the moment you are single though. You notice a guy paying attention to you. You notice more eye contact across a room than normal. You notice when someone comes in and ‘eyes you up’. You notice them noticing you.

And you also begin to Look at others as potential. I always people watch. I am always very tuned to my environment and the atmosphere around me so I can align with it. But now I linger on specific men from time to time… appreciating them in various ways. because my brain knows I am single and it is free to explore options.

it is weird that my brain instantly begins to pick up on the nuances of other men around me. And also that I began to instantly hone in on specific men to assess their behavior, their smile, their laughs… checking them out.

That doesn’t mean I am ready to jump right into the dating pool yet but it does mean part of my brain definitely is. Because that part fully accepts my previous relationship is over and done. So it is paying Attention to who is paying attention to me and paying attention to men that draw me in.

That is always a good indication my emotional self and mental self are prepared for another relationship. When I am no longer looking Back and am definitely looking Forward.

Still find it strange I am noticing the looks I get from some men when I literally was obvious to it before. Even if it is a passing assessment as they walk by, or that third lingering look across the room or whatever. I am picking up the vibe. One I had utterly ignored before.


But whether I notice or not I am still what is now called Demisexual. I always have been but never had a label for it other than ‘that is just how I am’.

Demisexual is someone who “experiences sexual attraction only when they feel a true emotional bond with another person. For instance, they may not feel sexually attracted to a person they randomly see at a coffee shop, but if they were to start talking to that person and form an emotional connection, they might then become sexually attracted over time.” (verywell)

Being as that is how I am and always have been, I sort of need some sort of connection to really be attracted to someone. Or to even desire any level of intimacy. It often means I am slow to fall in love. And I do not do random casual flings. I completely understand a lot of people are not the same way but I am comfortable with the way I am. I do not separate physical from emotional. I know I am capable of doing it but in all honesty I need a real connection to feel real desire anyway.

So I may be noticing all the vibes out there, I am still the way I am, and that mans my pace is slower than many people would like. And I am cool with that.

For now, pretty cool with being alone too. There is a peacefulness to be alone. And I definitely am digging that right now.

The single life

Being single now and the idea of dating


1 thought on “The single Vibe”

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