humor, introvert, The life

My user manual

Warning labels and instructions:

  • Fragile- handle with care. Internally and externally fragile. Just overall very fragile in nature.
  • Look but don’t hug. Person does not like hugging.
  • Keep Upright! Falls over with ease. Also randomly tips over. Has no internal balance system included.
  • Keep Quiet as possible. Person enjoys silence.
  • Keep primarily in the dark. May scream if exposed to light.
  • Try to keep inside during the entire Winter season. If necessary take out only for to entertain person and promptly return to warmth. Or Person gets cranky.
  • Feed Person a lot of books. Bring person to book store to engage Happiness.
  • Provide Person a set amount of Alone Time or Person will go crazy. This is necessary to its fundamental existence.
  • Never interrupt Person when Person is Writing or Reading as this engages irritation feature.
  • Person has a Malfunctioning Sleep system. May or may not sleep. It is random. Sorry, no returns. System cannot be fixed. We tried. It is just plain broken.
  • Person comes with Robust Humour Feature. And Giggle has been installed to Frequent… it cannot be reduced. Dial to turn down frequency of Giggle was broken. However, Giggle does Contagious Laughter in others.
  • Person needs Power Naps to function. It will turn itself off randomly during the day whether you like it or not.
  • Pre-installed with Weird Conversation Topics Package. This cannot be uninstalled. Person will learn other Weird Topics spontaneously on her own. Person has been installed with Generic Conversation (How is the weather? Work sucks, eh? And More!) which took a long time to update but sometimes Person refuses to use this program and reverts to Weird Topics or Random Facts Program instead.
  • Person may be socially awkward. May not be. Feature comes on spontaneously when Shyness is engaged. If you do not want Shyness to engage then only put Person around three other people at a time. And definitely not in front of a crowd… as Person will then freeze up entirely. We are not responsible if Person freezes up and you have to reboot Person with more Alone Time.

See related posts

What happens the second you turn forty
Life goals
Are you sure you’re not a fictional character

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