Valentine’s Day

I’m not one for Valentine’s Day really. I used to think it was because of all the commercialism in it. But to be honest, I don’t think I’m into typical romantic ideals or gifts. And, yes, I am aware I am a woman and that I should be all into romance and… stuff. But not really.

I appreciate that my spouse likes Valentine’s Day. I appreciate getting flowers. But I don’t think they are necessary. I mean, they just die. But they are pretty… until they die. He has in the past gotten me jewelry which is a really nice thought except I rarely wear jewelry. And when I do I break it for some clumsy ass reason. Even my engagement ring (we are still common-law, I’m not into the idea of marriage either) was this wee, simple design, which is by far my preference. I don’t wear it often, mind you.

Basically, when it comes to showing love and affection through gifts the only way to my heart is… books. I love books. I could go book shopping any day of the week and it would Make my Month. So, in that sense, I am extremely easy to please.

In the sense I was never born with that romantic gene, I suppose it makes things harder for my spouse.

Just seems like a day to me. Just another day. But I value my spouse so I value the effort he goes to make me happy. All the time. But especially when he is showing his love via Valentine’s gifts. Because it is important to him, so it is important to me. But if it wasn’t important to him, it wouldn’t be important to me. And that would be totally fine.

I get it is basically my personality type. I make an effort to express affection and say ‘I love you’ but that is learned behaviour. Because I apparently am cool with saying ‘I love you’ once a year or so. And forgetting people need affection in various ways to thrive. I’m not oblivious to the emotional reality around me. Okay, I am a little oblivious to it and also very awkward around emotional people and really suck at comforting them. But I try. I’m just stuck in my head most of the time.

I’m an INTP personality type, so what do you expect? My spouse is ISFJ, which is awesome because all that I lack, he has in abundance. Which has made me more conscious of what I do and how I think. It has made me better at expressing emotion or comforting people awkwardly in emotional situations. He has improved my sensitivity to such things. Which is great, because that is a skill I needed to learn. Not that I am not totally cool with who I am, but when you know your flaws you can adapt to them.

So it isn’t shocking I am not into a commercialized holiday designed to show your spouse through materialistic means how much you love them. And it isn’t much of a surprise being with an ISFJ for a long time, I know to show appreciation for the effort he goes through because I value him as a person. You gotta love people on the level they express their love and we all express love differently, eh? And you learn what they need, affection wise and expression wise, by being with them. Because everyone needs different things.

So if your partner is into Valentine’s Day, just saying you should be too. Because if that expression of affection is important to them, it should be important to you because of them. So don’t be a tool if your significant other has expectations on Valentine’s Day… rather take pleasure in meeting those expectations. Or exceeding them. Love them the way they want to be loved. Show them you care in a way that is meaningful to them. That being said, I’m not getting books on Valentine’s Day, and I am aware of that. But I will be getting something and that something I will appreciate a lot because of the care and effort my spouse put into thinking of me when he got it. He does not get me jewelry anymore because he realizes I don’t wear it often and also I do have a knack for breaking them. Or losing it. Just not my thing.

Things I love day to day were the notes he used to leave me all the time. Just little notes to say he loved me. That was sweet, man. I have a lot of them still because that sort of thing gets me in the feels. And so with flowers, I keep the little tag on them with the message. It is the words that mean something to me. But then again, isn’t that true for us all?

Some other random posts:

The INTP me
How to be your authentic self
Rock your Introverted self