I quit smoking!

Yes I am quitting smoking because:

• My asthma rather doesn’t like it
• Because I can’t afford this habit
• Because COPD is in my family history
• Because I have no money. And this is turning into an expensive habit
• Also because I am broke

All very valid reasons. I had adult onset asthma, so I didn’t start smoking with asthma. I just continued to smoke after I got it. I tried quitting. Never took.

I had my first smoke when I was 12. And was regularly smoking by 16. Still not a lot, but every day. I’m not a pack a day sort of person, but lately, it has been getting up there. I smoke about half a pack regularly when I am working. Being off work means, yeah, boredom smoking.

So now I have to:

• Distract myself every moment on the computer because this is where I smoke and write.
• Do other things to distract me like read. When I get into a book I am not thinking as much about smoking. Also an excuse to use a Chapters book gift card I have around the house.
• Constantly tell myself I don’t want a smoke. Like I just wanted right this minute. Off to a grand start.
• Panic
• Breathe. No, I don’t want a smoke
• Panic some more.
• Damn it

This is Going to happen, brain. I don’t care what you want, you’re not getting as smoke. How about a nice minty nicotine candy hmmm. Sounds delicious.

I’m not quitting because you can’t smoke anywhere anymore. But that will help in the process. I’m not quitting because people think it is a disgusting habit. I can think of others that are worse. And each to his or her own, I say.

It is purely because I need to save money on my budget. And because I have been smoking too much since I have been off work… and my asthma hates me for it. But the fact is, if they are here I’ll smoke them. Fact is, it is all or nothing. I can’t just have a few a day. That leads to more a day. And more. Until I am back where I started. So none is the only solution. I wish I could be an occasional smoker. Like I am a social drinker. Just once in a while. Would be perfect. Sadly, nicotine has a real draw to it. One leads to many more.

Weird though how you put the nicotine patch on and immediately want a smoke. Not because you are not getting the nicotine, but because you can’t… so you want one. This is day one. So it will be rough for the next week or so as I beat this fact into my brain.

I think the best way to go is to replace this bad habit with another bad habit. So maybe every time I want a smoke I should drink a beer instead? Seems like this might work. Except drinking and smoking go really well together. Or I could replace it with a good habit. But that seems like a lot of effort.

Reasons I failed to quit before:

• I like smoking
• I get stressed and have no other negative coping strategy
• It is one thing I do when I am in a lot of physical pain. I can’t do anything about the pain so I have a smoke to calm myself down
• Pure habit. There are times when you just Crave a smoke. In the morning. Before bed. After a meal. When you go out to socialize.
• I don’t want to be a quitter. Just kidding. For this, I want to be a quitter. My brain, though, wants its fix.

Reasons I should stick with it:

• Healthy blah blah things happen to the body once you quit. I’m chronically ill. I think this one likely isn’t going to change the fact I have a lot of pain.
• I might be able to breathe again. Without an inhaler
• I’ll save money. And that is something.
• I won’t have to put up with those non-smoker ‘looks’ when smoking outside, twenty feet from every door and child in a public area. You know who you are.
• I decrease my risk of having a stroke. I have a high risk due to chronic migraines with aura. This is why my neurologist wants me to quit. That damned stroke risk.